my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
