Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
