everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
