New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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