hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
