The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
