I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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