Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
