Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
