the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
