hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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