I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
