If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
