Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
