How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize