What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
