He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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