my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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