Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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