Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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