P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
