I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
