His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
