weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize