Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
