his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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