I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
