he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
