Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
