Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
