why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
