I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
