i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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