Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
