Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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