I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
