DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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