What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
