4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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