I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize