Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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