tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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