Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
