So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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