Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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