Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
