super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
