and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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