I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I touched a dick in church today
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
