Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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