How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
