dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
