It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
where does the pee come out of this thing
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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