The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize