god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
