dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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