what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
