Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
