hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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