I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
