My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's never too late to be topless.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
