Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
