he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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