i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
