who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
