Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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