My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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