he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
