But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
