yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
