youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
