hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
