Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
