I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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