I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
