Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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