So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
