Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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