you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
