Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
