You really coming over, don't trick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
