Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
