you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
