dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize