I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
