bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
