Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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