Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
