I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
