I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
