We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
