Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
