Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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